Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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