I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
