im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
