i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ketchup is God's man juice
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The power of my boobs compel you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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