Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
