how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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