I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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