I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
