never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
