if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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