i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
