i think my tv is drunk
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
