I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize