alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
