Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
