I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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