Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
