So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
