New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
