I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
