My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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