Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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