Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
