Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
