Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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