You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
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Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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