Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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