I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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