i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
