I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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