38 yer olds are good kisserssss
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh god it's open bar.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
