i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
