It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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