we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
two words: eviction party
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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