she was so not down for the gang bang
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
