You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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