Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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