God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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