I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
