If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
