I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
