We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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