shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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