How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
