apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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