I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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