At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
