those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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