OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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