So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
