Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
