Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
