I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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