When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
