If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Be still, my beating vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
