I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
