What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
