Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
