Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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