margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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