did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
