I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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