Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
