from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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