Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
