I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
