Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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