Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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