I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
