I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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