Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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