hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
