Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
