I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
