Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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